Okay, so for the past three days I've been writing a lot of bad poetry. But I've been thinking a lot of bad things. And the only way to get rid of them, it seems, is to articulate them in to very ugly words. That are hardly articulated. But I'm afraid of those words--specifically, afraid that people will read them. But. . . I figure I should put them out there, hopefull deal with these things bouncing around in my head--hopefully heal a little.

But, I can say that I am pleased by the fact that I am so aware of my deteriorating condition. Makes it much easier to try to fix it. Also, it makes it much more difficult--especially since I am completely alone right now. Utterly and vastly alone. But, since I'm able to write bad poetry, that must mean that I'm feeling the pain, allowing it to work its way into and out of my body. I hope.

Okay, I really hate people now.

Why can't people just respect the idea of religion even if they don't like it? Why do they have to ridicule it? Why do they have to make fun of things they don't understand?

I'm not a Christian, I don't respect the New Testament as scripture, as the unyielding word of God. I'm not Jewish, I don't believe the Torah is the word of God, no questions asked. But I do believe that they are the best accounts of our history that we have. Else, I don't think our race would have fought so hard to protect them. The Jews used to fight fucking wars to protect that book. Why can't people just respect that as something important? Why can't they question the beliefs? Why do they have to go and ridicule all who believe in a God by calling him a pervert? Why is that? Why can't people just shut they're fucking mouths when they think these things?

Why do people feel the need to re disrespect Islam, and Hinduism and Buddhism? Why do they feel the need? I don't understand. And it hurts. Being a spiritual person, and seeing all these people not only throw /they're/ spirituality away, but attempting to destroy someone else's? What the Hell is wrong with people?

...I've got to stop.

Well, I've finally bought into DA. Now I'm officially a part of the bigger community--or something. This is muy wonderful, seriously.

That and I've finally gotten all my finances together and I'm going to begin designing my tattoo starting now. . . maybe I'll be able to post it. I'd like that...

Yeah. I think that about sums it up.

Dealing with antisocial personality disorder's not easy. Especially when you have both sides of the coin--both extremes of the coin.

So, I think there's going to be a poem/drawing about this in the future. I just need to find the words/image I want to use to describe it.

Any help from anyone would rock.

Okay, so I'm currently stuck. I'm playing Solitaire on Vegas Style scoring, and currently have $600. That's right, I'm WAY in the possitive. But, anyway, I'm waiting on something to hit me and so far, I've got nothin'. Someone should give me an idea or consolation or something. I don't care, anything.

And, I'd like to say, that this song is the best thing evar.
[link]